I Meet Geronimo – Charles Bane, Jr
Posted on Spelk Flash Fiction site @SpelkFiction
“This is a short, sharp blast – hitting under 500 words – and is to be found on the ‘flash fiction’ site Spelk, itself worth checking out if you have a moment.
Maybe it’s because of the brevity of the form but there’s a feeling that there’s so much more to be revealed by the narrator in this story. Meeting Geronimo is a big moment in the young storyteller’s life and we desperately want to know more about he feels about it.
The story opens with some wonderful prose. “The day gaped open for work, and closed for rest” and “my body moved to the wind and I chased after it with long strokes that cut the summer wheat” are beautifully painted descriptions and you feel you are beside him in the fields. But the rest of the story reveals itself too quickly for us to be able to travel along with him comfortably. From here the tale relies heavily on dialogue to do the work (again possibly due to the self-imposed 500 word restriction) when there is a sense that more description – particularly of the smells and sounds of the showground – as well as the young man’s feelings, might have brought the whole story alive even more.
This is a busy, ambitious piece with a beautiful final touch that could have benefitted from a gentler pace and more words – something that is so rarely the case when so many short stories are the victim of being over-worked”
The SHORT TALE Review 2016